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Larval Observations

Submitted by lgorman on Fri, 01/26/2018 - 15:35

After thirty minutes of observation with the creature, I compiled a list of notes that describe the organism. The organism is a larval creature, looks like a maggot with a rat-like tail. It has a pale green brown translucent layer of tissue on its main body segment that is about 1.25 cm long and 0.25 cm thick. It was hard to record an exact length, because the organism contracts and extends as it moves around the bowl. The creature has dark lines that run from a dark mass in the head of the creature to the tip of its tail. On the underside of its body, the larva has a mouth at the front that it opens whenever the organism moves. The organism has bilateral symmetry, as seen by its eight legs and two antennae on its head, which it probably uses to read its surroundings, as it does not have eyes. The larva’s tail is dark green in color and is 1.5 cm long and 0.5 mm thick. The tail is probably used for the larva to breath when it is feeding underneath a surface where there is poor oxygen.



Is this paragraph about the organism? Or about a list of notes?

You put unnecessary punctuations in certain locations. I feel like you could have put more insight into this paragraph instead of just describing the observations. You could also put certain things that you may have wondered about the organism. 

I think it would make more sense to include your thoughts on what you think the organism is after you present the observations instead of at the beginning. I think your conclusion would work best at the end of the paragraph.