Initially observing this organism, one can immediately see that she has a tail much larger than the main body. Her movement is that of a worm, where she moves her back end forward and extends forward using the forward half of main body, however her tail does not seem to have any part in her movement. She has tiny bilaterally symmetric paired feet, which do not help stick to a surface as they tip over with a slight tilt of the container. She has a semi- clear outer skin on both body and tail. On the interior of the main body, passed her outer layer, the front ¾ has a white color which could be an extra layer of skin which protects her internal organs. The lower ¼ has a darker color which could signify waste or a bowel. The darkened area connects and continues inside the tail. The tip of the tail exposes this previous covered darker area from the semi- clear skin. She has an opening on the front which she is able to poke two probes out that could potentially be her mouth. When disrupted by movement, she halts as if she has sensation against predation. When on her back, she is able to wiggle her forward half to turn upright. Bodily measurements at rest of her main body is about 1.1 cm. Her tail is about 1.6 cm, giving us a whole-body length of 2.7 cm. During movement, when she is extended, the main body reaches about 1.4 cm in length with the tail the same length as when in rest. This makes her max length around 3.0 cm. When she contracts her body, it is about 1 cm in length. Her main body has a width of about .2 cm and her tail has a width of about .05cm. With the change in body lengths between movement, and through visual calculations, she moves about .3 cm each time she extends forward and then contracts her body.
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Comments
This is a great description!
This is a great description! And very detailed and concise! I like how you started off with giving the most obvious descriptions that you noticed first and then getting into more detail such as measurements and locomotion. I liked how you used the pronoun "she" throughout your entire paragraph. However, since this is geared towards learning how to write scientific papers it would be useful to give the reader some details on how you came to that conclusion, like if it was based on some research you did that brought you to that. It would be an interesting fact to know!
Avoid evaluative statements.
Avoid making evaluative statements in your comments: simply suggest improvements.
Few Corrections
Although the pronoun 'she' may very well be a true fact about the organism, the gender should not be assumed about the organism if there is no proof. There is also no need for "us" you could simply put "The tail is about 1.6cm and the entire body length is 2.7cm". Your last sentence is a bit confusing instead you could put "Each time the body is extended and contracted the distance traveled is about 0.3cm"