I observed an unknown organism in a clear container. The organism has a translucent coating that surrounds its organs. The length of its tail is about the same length as the rest of its body which was about 15 mm. There are two tiny protrusions sticking out from the front of its body that resembles a mouth or antennae. It has tiny legs on its belly that it uses to crawl in a worm-like way. The creature does so by contracting the front part of the body first and following through with the rest of its body in to move around. The only part of the organism’s body that wasn’t covered by the translucent coating was the very end of its tail. It kept trying to escape the container resulting in many failed attempts. It finally succeeded after one hour of crawling and flipping over on itself.
Comments
Solid Overall Description
Very good description with concise information. However, maybe more quantitative analysis would improve this parapgraph. Such as the number of legs it had on its body. Also using other senses aside from sight, such as touch or smell, could add a different element to the paragraph.
You have a great description
You have a great description of the organism's morphology and behavior. Not using "i" in your paragraph would make the paragraph more scientific in nature. I believe there is normally there is no use of I, me, we, you in sceintific writing.