The object is a fly larvae. It has a body length of 1.3cm, a tail length of 1.5cm and a total length of 2.8cm. The larvae has translucent skin and organs are visible internally. It has a dark colored head and tail. The tail seems to continue into the body and the very end of the tail is uncovered by the translucent tissue. The larvae often stops moving when touched or agitated. It cannot travel long distances in a straight line, and generally rolls over or abruptly changes direction. However, it seems to prefer being in motion to staying still. The larvae exhibits bilateral symmetry and the body contracts and expands to aid in movement.
Comments
Comments
In the third sentence there are two separate thoughts going on, therefore, a comma is needed before the and. The fifth sentence also is two spearate thoughts and should be split using a comma to conjpoin the two thoughts. The sixth sentence should be more precisive language, and include either touched or agitated not both since they are a redunance.
Comment
This is a great short and conscise paragraph and it draws a good picture of what this maggot looks like and partially in how it acts. I think there could have been just a little bit more information about the structure and maybe it would be helpful to include what you hypothesize certain structures are for, in order to raise questions and curiosity.
Avoid evaluative statements.
Avoid evaluative statements—just suggest improvements to the writing.
Comment
This description is brief but conprehensive. You should have listed some questions that arose during your observations. Overall, the key points were addressed and very factual.
The paragraph is precise and
The paragraph is precise and generally flows in a logical manner, moving from observations on the general appearance to the movement of the larvae. However, you should have stated that the larvae exhibitied bilateral symmetry in the beginning when you were talking about the general appearance.