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Sports Perfect Paragraph

Submitted by michaelkim on Sun, 03/18/2018 - 20:00

Many people who involved themselves with physical activities often live longer than those that do not. The fact is, playing sports is good for our physical health. Not only is it good for our health, it is good for our body as it will benefits our cardiorespiratory and muscular fitness. It is scientifically proven that playing sports can increase our life expectancy and better our bone health which is critical for our life expectancy. I grew up playing sports and my mom always said that playing too much sports was bad for me. I would always be sore because I would either play too much sports or be at the gym for too long. I would play basketball everyday for about 3 hours at least in high school and I almost forgot how being sore felt because my body got so used to it. Playing sports is one of the best ways for weight maintanence as well. But due to the dangers of playing some sports, I wanted to play something that didn't put me in a great risk but also was physical and competitive to play. I chose to play basketball tennis and track in high school and I still play them in college as I enjoy playing. I don't regret picking up basketball as my main sport and I will continue to play.



In the first sentence you should say "those who do not" instead. I feel like you sort of repeated what you stated about life expectancy in the same sentence. Try to break it up. 

Remove the extra s after the word benefit in the second sentence

Maybe for the first sentence say, "Studies have shown that individuals who are actively engaged in sports or activities are known to have longer lives."  

Try to stay away from words like "our"