In a recent study, scientists discovered a relationship between depressive symptoms and a decline in cognitive function during midlife. Sussex psychologists analyzed data from a child development study that followed 15,000+ babies from birth through adulthood. The psychologists found that the increased depressive symptoms were a strong indicator of a linear decrease in memory function in older adults. The psychologists recommended in order to protect future memory function that mental health interventions need to be promoted in younger adults. Although these scientists found associations between depressive symptoms and cognitive decline before, it was the first time they were able to find this relationship represented in a large amount of data.
Comments
suggestion
Use commas, "The psychologists recommended in order to protect future memory function that mental health interventions need to be promoted in younger adults." in this sentence it should be, "The psychologists recommended, in order to protect future memory function, that mental health interventions need to be promoted in younger adults."
comment
The order of the sentences could be reordered for a more logical flow. The last sentence could follow the first sentence, rather than a closing statement to strengthen the paragraph.
Suggestion
Be sure to define specific terms in case the reader does not have prior knowledge of the subject, such as "midlife" used in the first sentence.