My friend got a hamster yesterday. Her hamster is a female Syrian Hamster, also known as a Teddy Bear Hamster or Golden Hamster. Her nickname is Chubby until she decides what to actually name her. She is very fluffy. The scientific name of this hamster is Mesocricetus auratus. As a member of the rodent family, she has sharp ever growing incisors. She nipped my finger after she smelt me and it hurt more than I thought it would. She has cheek pouches that expands when she eats or tries to bring food back to her little house. She fur is soft and is a light brown color. Syrian hamsters are usually between 5-7 inches in length and weigh about 120 grams. As pets, they can live up to 3-4 years, and in the wild up to 2 years.
Comments
suggestion
I feel although the flow of this paragraph is a little choppy. Some of the sentences are cut rather short and each sentence touches upon a new idea which doesn't allow for any ideas to be explained.
suggestion
I would include more detail in the sentences to make them more complex. I would also avoid using words like "got" and "very". Lastly, I would suggest using various different verbs to to change it up.
suggestion
I would suggest varying sentence structure so that it doesn't always begin with: 'She + verb.'