It is crucial to note that Group 6 did not have a 50 mM NaCl brain to image and therefore could not accurately compare data with the class average for this salt concentration to draw any significant conclusions. However, upon examining the system water and nanopure lines against the 50 mM NaCl and 100 mM NaCl lines throughout the brain for the class, there is no clear trend of the two salt lines with increased cell counts, which does not support the hypothesis. Although the 50 mM NaCl line had higher cell counts than the system water and nanopure in the hypothalamus, the 100 mM NaCl line had similar cell numbers to the two lines without salt. A similar result is seen in the class data of the lateral recess: 100 mM NaCl had slightly higher counts than the system water and nanopure lines, but 50 mM NaCl had lower counts than the two lines without salt. Perhaps this Group 6 100 mM NaCl brain is a true outlier in cell proliferation numbers due to experimental treatment, or perhaps differences may be explained through variation in cell counting and techniques. The members of Group 6 obtained this brain from a separate experimental vial given by a TA and did not dissect it themselves, which may have contributed to the variation in cell numbers seen.
Comments
Topic Sentence
Good writing overall, I just think your first sentence is a bit abrupt. Maybe rearrange or add a different sentence that provides more of an introduction to the topic.
Suggestion
If you had a specific number such as a correlation coefficient, the paragraph could be improved. If you could substitute "there is no clear trend" with quantitative data, it wouuld be more descreptive.
Suggestion
I think you should give us more of a background in the beginning. This will help us foolow the point you're trying to make, better.