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Perfect Paragraph 8

Submitted by lpotter on Mon, 03/18/2019 - 19:31

Vaccines are only as effective as their delivery system. Many vaccines employ the use of adjuvants or additives that help to present the antigen (pathogen that triggers an immune response) to the host’s immune system. Adjuvants are used in vaccines today primarily because of the way that vaccines are produced. In the past vaccines were made by using killed or weakened whole cells, now they are made with parts of the antigen that produce strong immune responses. The part of the antigens that are used in vaccines are most commonly protein components of the pathogen. These vaccines in most cases are safer and are produced more efficiently. Because only parts of the antigen are being used the parts must be presented to the immune system in a different way. This is why adjuvants are used, to help present just part of an antigen to the host’s immune system. Most modern vaccines contain 25% or less of the active ingredient, parts of the antigen, and the rest is adjuvants to help present the antigen to the immune system. If you are curious about what adjuvants are in the vaccines you are receiving you can visit the the CDC website for a full list of ingredients as this information must legally be disclosed.

https://www.niaid.nih.gov/research/what-vaccine-adjuvant

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Comments

The sentence "This is why adjuvants are used, to help present just part of an antigen to the host's immune system." sounds a little off and maybe should be changed to something like "Adjuvants are used to help present just part of an antigen to the host's immune system."

Maybe switch the order of your first and second sentence, so your topic sentence has more strength. 

I would rephrase this sentence to flow better, "These vaccines in most cases are safer and are produced more efficiently." You could revise it by saying "Often times, these vaccines are safter and produced efficiently". Filler words can often be deleted to make your sentences get to the point faster.

I would elaborate on your opening sentence and provide a few more details.