In the bumble bee (Bombus impatiens), the gut parasite Crithidia bombiis related to the causes of Chagas disease and Leishmaniasis in the bumble bee. The parasite is transmitted via ingestion of cells in feces of infected bees, and is present in 80 percent of the Bombus impatienspopulation in New England. In the lab, we will be infecting bumble bees with the gut parasite through a nectar feeder and randomly assign which bees get the treatment. We will then leave them alone for a week, dissect their guts, and count the amount of Crithidia bombicells.
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Perfect Paragraphs
Each week, post your own Perfect Paragraph and comment on three Perfect Paragraphs. Suggest improvements. Don't just say "Looks good."
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Comment
The first part of your second sentence is worded a bit confusingly, and you are sometimes inconsistent with the tense you are writing in: you say "we will be infecting bumble bees" and then "randomly assign". Consider changing either the first one to "we will infect bumble bees" or the second to "will be randomly assigning..." would be better.
Comment
I think you are missing a verb in the first sentence.
Suggestion
I would work on the structure of your senetences, such as in the first sentence it is hard to follow. And perhaps change "In the lab" to "In the following experiment..." or something of the like to introduce the idea better.
comment
Structure of sentences was off & the first sentence is not clear...possibly missing a verb?