You are here

Disconnect Perfect Paragraph

Submitted by kwarny on Fri, 02/08/2019 - 13:04

The invention of smartphones has led almost everyone to be constantly connected, whether that be through messaging or social media platforms. People have increasingly implemented time during the day to check applications on their phones to the point where it becomes instinctive. Moreover, there’s a constant desire to be involved in the lives of others and pressure to be in the know. The thought of not having a smartphone is no longer imaginable in today’s society as the age range of individuals with devices widened. Although phones have provided major facility and convenience to everyday life, they are unfortunately also a distraction for most. As for students, smartphones are being brought everyday and being continually checked at inappropriate times. For example, entire lectures or meals cannot be completed without checking their phones. A healthier way to continue the use of smartphones on a daily basis while lowering the distractions, is to set designated times during the day when one can check his or her device. These periods of time should not extend for over 30 minutes and should not be right before bed to avoid interference with sleep. Overall, even the slightest efforts to look up from one’s screen and admire the people and places around them is insightful.




"Although phones have provided major facility and convenience to everyday life,"

The words facility and convenience in this context mean the same thing. Maybe consider using only one, and removing the other, because having both sounds redundant. 

"These periods of time should not extend for over 30 minutes"

But why not? You introduce new ideas without finishing the expansion of a previous one. Overall the paragraph is well written, but this sentence in particular (or the concept of alternaive behavior) in my opinion should be put into a different paragraph to keep paragraphs focused on one idea at a time.

Well written though, good job.