I believe that substance free dorms are a good idea but unfortunately, they are a bit misguided. In the article about UVM it talks about the students making the judgement on their own is not enough and I disagree with that point. Kids that are going to college are there to learn. Not just academic learning in their classes but also learn how to interact socially and live their lives on their own. If students are told to do something and how to do it in every form of their life, they won’t learn how to conduct themselves without guidance. People need to live and learn. As a person, you learn from good and bad situations in your life. Students need to learn how to drink and stay away from things that will impact their education and lives. If students are controlled like this in college they will not know what to do with themselves when they get into the real world.
Comments
You should define what UVM
You should define what UVM means before you use the acronym. Doing that would eliminate any confusion for people who do not know waht UVM means.
Comment
This is a very debatable topic, and you have made your point clear. In order to enhance your paragraph, you can restate the ideas that the opposition (in this case, the article about UVM) presents and why you disagree with them. Doing this throughout your paragraph gives your argument strength, because it is crucial to be able to articulate your understanding of the opposing viewpoint. This tactic also gives you more credibility to the opposition because it shows you have interacted critically with their arguments.
suggestion
I feel like a lot of your sentences are pretty short and could have been combined with others. For example, "Kids that are going to college are there to learn. Not just academic learning in their classes but also learn how to interact socially and live their lives on their own." You could say, "Kids that are going to college are there to learn, not just academic learning in their classes but also learn how to interact socially and live their lives on their own."
Suggestion
I would suggest combining some of your sentence to make them flow better together. For example: "People need to live and learn, and learning comes from good and bad situations in your life." There are also some places where sentences can be simplified. For example, "as a person" can be omited, and "kids that are going to college" can be shortened to "college students."