I decided to keep the larva given to us in our first class meeting. Since attaining it, it has slowed down its movements. Now, the organism happens to be quite sluggish and barely moves around the container. Seeing as how the organism has become much slower in the past six days, I would imagine pupating is imminent. One of my roommates decided to poke a couple of small holes into the container, which has not seemed to impact it at all. The larva appears to be thicker and now remains in a constant ‘balled up’ position, where it curls into itself, with the anterior and posterior ends in contact. Interestingly, the organism has moved the food all to the center of the container. The larva’s pigments remain the same as last Friday and it retains approximately the same body length. The appearance of the true legs and spots have not visually changed.
Comments
Comment
Some of your sentences are a little too wordy. I would break a couple of the longer sentences up into two.
Be Exact
Instead of saying that it retains approximately the same body length you might want to say exactly what that length was.
us
In scientific writing, if you refer to "we" or "us", it is a reference to the authors of a multi-authored paper. You can't claim allegiance to other groups in scientific writing: you can't use "we" or "us" to refer to students in the class or at the University. Or refer to "us" as human beings or inhabitants of the Earth.
A suggestion would be to
A suggestion would be to follow up on your claims with the evidence you find, or why you think this evidence (the slowing down) would lead to pupating.