There is an organism, possibly a larva, ressembling a catapillar or maggot. It is 2cm in length and 4mm wide. The organism's body consists of 12 segments, off-white and yellowish in color. The body's segments also divide into smaller segments.The organism moves slowly with alterations between contracting and elongating movements, with seven or eight pairs of legs to assist. Movement reveals the body's soft tissue, which is connected to a firm head with two round parts, possibly eyes, and what appears to be a mouth, brown in color. Tiny clear hairs pertrude from the body. There are darks specks on the organism along the sides, eight pairs of specks total. The skin is slightly transparent. A dark line down the center of the organism extends from the head to the end of the body. This could perhaps be the spine, but after light is shined through the body, the line appears to be luminescent. The organism reacts to light, turning away from it, suggesting it could live underground.
Comments
You mentioned that there are
You mentioned that there are 12 segments of the organism, then those segments divided into smaller segments. Is there a specific number of segments that it divided into?
You might be able to combine
You might be able to combine more sentences together and organize them to make the paragraph flow better. For example, you could include the sentence about the body hairs earlier when you talk about the body and its segmentation, and maybe pair it with a sentence in there for a more cohevise thought.
Suggestion
Your paragraph is filled with a lot of well descriptive details. I would suggest just checking your grammar for spacing of words and sentence structure. I liked how at the end you relate your observation of the organism reacting to light to possible function. Including more of these connections for other observations might help to strengthen your paragraph further.