Our RESEARCH DESIGN was modeled after a paper that studied spider web production in terms of web mass and temperature. Fruit flies were dropped into the web with a relatively complex apparatus that was beyond the scope of our project, so our inverted cup and straw apparatus will serve as a practical substitute. The methods we will follow also closely resemble Barghusen’s paper. We will run the experiment over the course of five days because six days gave indicative results in one of the papers we studied (Barghusen et al). In that paper, a temperature gradient was created using Aluminum pans and a hot plate. Our experiment will create a similar temperature gradient using styrofoam boxes and a heat lamp for the warm condition and ice for the cold condition. The Barghusen paper found that web mass was significantly lighter in the colder conditions, so we expect similar results.
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Perfect Paragraphs
Each week, post your own Perfect Paragraph and comment on three Perfect Paragraphs. Suggest improvements. Don't just say "Looks good."
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Comments
pp response
It kind of goes from 0 to 100 really quikly, going from the aim of the experiment as a whole right to a secific step in the procedure. It is very well written though.
So you introduce that you are
So you introduce that you are following similar methods to another paper you found, however you begin the next sentence by saying "Fruit flies were dropped..." I would just clarify that this was in the methods you are going to follow and you arent the one actually performing the action. ie: Start by saying "In the previous design" or something of that nature.
I would suggest making
I would suggest making Aluminum start with a lowercase a.