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Submitted by curbano on Thu, 11/01/2018 - 13:46

Due to a new retrovirus that is killing domestic dogs at rapid speeds, only one vaccine can be made to save one breed. The Labrador Retriever, one of the most popular and beloved dog breeds, makes the most sense to save for many reasons. The Labrador Retriever does well in a variety of environments and  is known for being an overall good dog. They have a loyal, loveable, and happy personality that any family would be happy to have in their home. They make for good companions and are happiest when they are with you. It is not difficult to please Labrador Retrievers and it is easy to form a meaningful bond with this beautiful breed. Whether it is playing fetch outside or laying next to you on the couch, these dogs love being with you.

 

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amdicicco

Fri, 11/02/2018 - 00:09

Due to a new retrovirus that is killing domestic dogs at rapid speeds, only one vaccine can be made to save one breed.

I think this sentence could be re-worded a little bit. By starting the sentence with due, and then after the comma you say only one vaccine can be made, but I don't think that is really due to the retrovirus. Maybe something like "A new retrovirus is killing domestic dogs at rapid speeds, and there's only enough vaccine to save one breed.

This is a persuasion piece and should be spoken with confidence. The line " makes the most sense to save for many reasons" projects some uncertainty with the "for many reasons". That is inherent in your choice of saving the breed and will be explained throughout the piece. It is not needed here and undermines the "makes the most sense" because it sounds like you are trying to sound convincing rather than giving an endorsement because it is wholeheartedly the best choice.

My suggestion wuld be to elaborate on the section in which you say, "The Labrador Retriever does well in a variety of environments and  is known for being an overall good dog".