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Perfect Paragraph week 9

Submitted by cgualtieri on Thu, 11/01/2018 - 20:36

When a water soluble substance, like Vitamin C, is present in the body at higher than threshold

plasma levels, it will be eliminated from the body through urination. The level of the substance

in the body must reach the renal threshold for this to begin to happen. In the case given in this

example, we are dealing with vitamin C which is a water soluble protein that can’t be stored in

the body. If you were to intake too much vitamin C into your body at a given time, then it will

remain in your blood stream until it is eliminated via the kidneys and urinated out of the body.

Taking the vitamins in smaller quantities in timed out intervals will allow all of the vitamins to

be absorbed into the body because the renal threshold will not be reached.

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Comments

Very informative paragraph. Nice job! I would suggest changing this sentence around to sound less choppy, "If you were to intake too much vitamin C into your body at a given time, then it will remain in your blood stream". I do not think you need the comma before then, and I think you could change the word "intake" to just ingest. 

The sentence "In the case given in this example, we are dealing with vitamin C which is a water soluble protein that can’t be stored in the body." can be rewritten as "Vitamin C is a water soluble protein that can't be stored in the body." to convey the message more directly.

My only suggestion would be to rephrase the first sentence to make the direct object more clear.  

Instead of:

When a water soluble substance, like Vitamin C, is present in the body at higher than threshold

plasma levels, it will be eliminated from the body through urination. 

 

Maybe:

When a water-soluble substance, like Vitamin C, is present in the body at a level that is above threshold

plasma levels, it will be eliminated from the body through urination. 

"To begin to happen" = To begin

"In the case given in this example"= In the given example