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Submitted by jkswanson on Fri, 10/19/2018 - 12:40

In our research project we are looking at the effect of radiation on spiders, how they make their webs, where they make their webs, and etc.  The idea came from a video on Youtube about a very similar expirment in which the guy shows how the cellular raditation, when turned on, causes the ants to change paths of walking to avoid being near the cell phone.  So we are wondering if that cell phone raditaion also will affect spiders and how they operate.  One way to collect data would be to set up three different groups of spiders. The first group is the control group, this group will not be exposed to cellular radiation at all, all cellphones will be kept a certain distance away.   The next group is the radiation group that will be exposed to an operating cellphone that is on and using cellular data.  The last group will be exposed to a cellphone but the cellphone will be put into airplane mode and therefore shutting off cellular data.  This data will show the effect of radiation on spiders if there is any, and it will tell us if the cell phone causes radiation when in airplane mode or only when cellular data is on.   

 

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Comments

I would try to avoid saying "etc." in scientific writing. You should list out all of the parts of spiders that you are studying to be more specific and concrete. Other than that, nice job!

Rather than saying "So we are wondering if that cell phone raditaion also will affect spiders and how they operate." you may want to restructure the sentence structures to state that this is your hypothesis and why you got the idea of it, rather than a direct narration of your thinking. ie: Explain your hypothesis (or at least an introduction to it) and then explain that this is where you got the idea from.

I really liked your paragraph because it was easy to read! With that being said, I think it may have been so easy to read because it was mostly conversational language.  If you can, I would replace words such as etc. and guy.  Also just check on your grammar and punctuation and you will be all set!