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9/7/18 - Spider Paragraph- Erin Hardy

Submitted by eehardy on Fri, 09/07/2018 - 15:13

Inside a small plastic container, a very small brown spider with distinctively long legs alternated between stillness and seemingly frantic movement. The spider appeared to be a very small “Daddy Long Legs.” It was about the size of an average pinky nail, with legs that were very long and slender in proportion to its midsection. Both its legs and the top of its midsection were a very pale brown, but the underside of its midsection was whitish. Its midsection was comprised of two round sections, one appeared to be a “head” and was small and round, while the other was a longer, slender oval, and appeared to be the body. It had 8 legs. The front legs, towards the head, were longer than the back legs. When the spider was in a resting position, most of its legs extended sharply up at a slight diagonal, relatively straight out, and then diagonally back down to the ground, forming an obtuse half rectangular shape. Those legs were triple jointed. A couple of its other legs were double jointed and extended up at a smaller angle relative to its body, and then back down.  It prodded constantly at the walls of the cup it was in, appearing to be making frantic efforts to escape. Its legs were able to move up and down, but also in a lateral motion. Sometimes it moved its legs in circular motions while it prodded at the edge of the cup. When it was not doing these movements, it remained completely still.  

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Comments

I like the paragraph overall, but there is alot of the word "it" being used. Maybe somehow you can mix in some other ways to describe the spider. 

Hi! I think your descriptions of the spider are outstanding, I can picture exactly what your spider looked like. I think your paragraph might benefit from longer sentences, maybe combining some of your descriptive sentences would make your paragraph flow even better!

Great paragraph! I love your first sentence. It really paints a perfect picture for the rest of the paragraph; it is an eye-catching sentence. I like your use of the word "prodded". This paragraph is really good at describing the spider and its details, but I would try to use less of the word 'very' as it is said a lot in the first couple sentences. Great job!!