The organism has an elongated, beige body, which is approximately one inch in length and includes ten segments.The body displays bilateral symmetry, and is narrower at one end and wider at the other. It achieves movement by extending and contracting its body in a manner similar to a worm. The organism has black markings on its narrower, anterior end and two brown dots on its posterior end. There is also a long dark mark extending down the midline of the body. The exterior of the body reflects light and appears opaque. The organism generally moves in a circle around the outer perimeter of the plastic container, and occasionally rears its anterior end. It seems to struggle more to move over the wood chips than it does the plastic, and I observed it attempt to push wood chips out of its path.
Comments
Suggestions
Nice, structured paragraph! I would just suggest rewording or breaking up the last sentence as it doesn't read that coherently. Maybe try: "It seems to struggle more to move over the wood chips than it does when moving over the plastic. While moving, it attempts to push the wood chips out of its path."
Topic sentence
The topic sentence leads one to conclude that the paragraph is about the length of the body or number of segments, but then you start talking about movement.
Suggestions
When writing future paragraphs stick to one topic and try not to be all over the place with the information.