My name is Ryan DiGregorio and I am a junior at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. I am on the pre-med track but my major is Biology. I am from Norton, Massachusetts which is in eastern mass. Things that I do in my spare time are usually based around sports and friends. I play baseball or any other sport my friends are interested in, and when I’m not playing sports I am just hanging out with my friends. My favorite thing about UMass Amherst so far has been how diverse it is. My home town is small and not very diverse so this definitely something new and exciting to me. Some important strengths of my generation are staying informed and being tech savvy. Something that I think our generation needs to improve on is focusing on the future. I feel as though people focus too much on what is happening now and not what the effect on their future will be.
Comments
Comments
I think you should reword the second sentence and say "I am a biology major on the pre-med track."
Suggestion
I would break up the fourth sentence after 'in,' so it will flow better. I'd also reword the last sentence, maybe to "I feel as though people focus too much on what is happening now, while ignoring how their choices will impact their future."
Suggestion
I would re-word "I am from Norton, Massachusetts which is in eastern mass"
The second part of the sentence may not be needed, but if you want to include it maybe give a geographic reference for the reader like "which is east of Amherst"