Inside of a small plastic container is a single beige larva about one centimeter in length. Its body is a mixture of light beige and darker shades of brown interspersed through out with a distinct brown line running the length of the back of its abdomen. At the front the body narrows to from what appear to be a small pair of mandibles. The rear of the larva is much wider and flatter than the head and has two dark brown spots that look remarkably like a pair of eyes. The animals body is broken into individual segments, 12 in total, each of which is defined by a ring around the animal.
Comments
Nice paragraph overall! In
Nice paragraph overall! In the second sentence, "throughout" should be one word. I think you could also make more hypotheses about the functions of these features. Why do you think the larva would have a pair of eyes on its back end?
Reduce wordiness
Look for places to eliminate words that don't add to the meaning, e.g. "Inside a small plastic..." (i.e. cut "of"); or "each defined by…" (i.e. cut "of which is").
No "remarkably"
This is overall a good paragraph. One thing I notice is that you can cut out the word "remarkably," which is unnecessary in scientific writing.