Upon closer examination, the larva has approximately 13 small black dots along the sides of its body, each corresponding to one of its segments. The larva also has three larger black spots on its left side more dorsal and towards its posterior. The larva’s head is brown and moves in space around the container, possibly in an attempt to discern its surroundings. The tip of the head appears the darkest of the whole region and its purpose is unclear. The tail of the larva is the same beige color as the body, although there are two small black dots on the end. When the larva moves, the tail inches forwards first and the rest of the body subsequently moves forward to compensate, propelling the larva ahead in peristaltic motion. The larva moves relatively slow around the outside rim of the container but is not limited to this pace. At times, the larva sticks its tail into the air, but does not move it around as much as its head. Perhaps this is another strategy to sense its surroundings.
Comments
Tips
Nice, informative read! I would suggest rewording the second sentence. Try instead: "The larva has three larger black spots located dorsally on its left side, towards the posterior end." Change "forwards" to "forward" in the fourth to last sentence. Also, in the third to last sentence, I assume you meant to type "space" instead of "pace."
Topic sentence
What is the topic sentence here? Is this whole paragraph about the dots?
Suggestion
I would suggest defining a cleaer introduction for your paragraph, as it just jumps right into describing one detail about the worm. You included good descriptions of the worm itself and provided good use of words. Perhaps just make sure the information flows cohesively.