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CHS PP3

Submitted by angelinamart on Wed, 02/06/2019 - 15:08

Chediak-Higashi Syndrome is a rare genetic disorder caused from a mutation in the chromosome. Patients affected with this disorder have barely no immune system due to the defect in the neutrophil, a type of white blood cell responsible to consume bacteria through phagocytosis. The whole immune system including lysosome, an organelle in the cell, and the neutrophil is incapable to dissolve the consumed bacteria, so as a result, patients have a higher rate of susceptibility to infections. Another distinguishable symptom is a physical characteristic of albinism. Patients lack not only a sufficient immune system, but also pigmentation. They have fair skin, close to creamy white, and silver streaked light hair. Since they do not have enough pigmentation, they must take extra care to be exposed under UV light. If patients with Chediak Higashi Syndrome are diagnosed early and receive proper treatment, they can live an ordinary life. However, if the treatment fails, the patient will face a stage called the acceleration phase where the disorder becomes lethal within 30 months.

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Comments

Use more direct descriptions. Try not to include excess words that do not add useful information. 

Some of your sentences seem to be lacking some specific information that may be helpful to the reader. For example, your first sentence you say CHS is a mutation in the chromosome. What chromosome specifically? Offering specific information will make your writing clear for the reader and make you sound more reliable/valid.

"Have barely no immune system"

-For some reason this sentence is not flowing right to me. Maybe get rid of the no and replace it with any?

"Have barely no immune system"

-For some reason this sentence is not flowing right to me. Maybe get rid of the no and replace it with any?