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Transoceanic Migration of Female White Shark - PP

Submitted by jmalloldiaz on Fri, 09/21/2018 - 09:33

Previous to the appearance of modern wildlife tracking technologies, little was known about many aspects of the life histories of marine creatures, including how they use space and their migratory habits. A long-term study performed by researchers in the coast of South Africa used photographic identification data since 1997 for recording white shark activity in Gansbaai. With the development of electronic tagging devices such as acoustic tags, PAT tags, and satellite tags, the researchers were able to take their study a step further and discover where white sharks go when they are not roaming along the coast of South Africa. Among the tagged white sharks of their study, a female classified as P12 performed the fastest return migration ever recorded in a marine animal, when it traveled to Australia and back to its natal range in South Africa in less than 9 months, navigating more than 20,000 km at a minimum speed of 4.7 kilometres per hour. Although more data from individual migrations of white sharks should be recorded, this first transoceanic journey suggests a connection between two important populations in South Africa and Australia, and offers important information for conservation efforts of endangered marine fauna.

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The sentence starting with "Among the tagged white sharks of their study, a female classified as P12" seems to be a little bit of run-on sentence. You could change it by adding a semicolon and switching up the sentence a little bit. For example: "Among the tagged white sharks of their study, a female classified as P12 performed the fastest return migration ever recorded in a marine animal; this shark traveled to Australia and back to its natal range in South Africa in less than 9 months, navigating more than 20,000 km at a minimum speed of 4.7 kilometres per hour." This makes the sentence sound a bit smoother, but still keeps the connections between the two sentences. Great paragraph, very informative! 

This was very interesting. My suggestion would be to break up your sentences as a few of them appeared to be run-on sentences. Having two or three well structured sentences will allow the reader to better interpret what you are trying to say opposed to one very long sentence with commas separating the different components.