The birds within the experiment went on two, ten day long trips over the ocean. The results showed that when the birds were on land, both hemispheres of the brain exhibited regular sleep wave activity on both sides. This means that both hemispheres were inactive at the same time. The results also proved that when the birds were flying for long durations of time, the hemispheres would alternate in activity. At most times there was one hemisphere exhibiting sleep waves while the other was exhibiting waves consistent with regular activity.
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Perfect Paragraphs
Each week, post your own Perfect Paragraph and comment on three Perfect Paragraphs. Suggest improvements. Don't just say "Looks good."
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Comments
elaborate
I feel like there is not enough information in this paragraph for the reader to understand what you are trying to convey.
Unclear
The flow of results seem unclear. You might wanna include a leading sentence before talking about the specifics of brain activity on land and in air. Something along the line of "Activity of brain hemisphere was monitored on land and in air" .
One suggestion I have is to
One suggestion I have is to sperate both of results and go into further details for both. Some things you might want to eleborate on is how this was found out/ what it means/ and why these findings are intresting or important