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Perfect Paragraph

Submitted by fmillanaj on Fri, 10/05/2018 - 10:25

To find a spiderweb on the UMass campus, I had to go through many trials and errors. The first spiderweb I found was too small for my phone to recognize. I had to go search for a bigger (more-defined) spider web. After a few days of searching, I found a spider web on the side of the Lederle Graduate Research center. On the section facing the main road (N Pleasant St), there was a spider web at about hip height. Photographing this web was quite difficult. I had to try to photograph it at several angles, with and without flash. I found that flash worked the best in making the web visible on in my photo. I had to angle the phone so that the camera was parallel to the main part of the spider web.

    To create the figure, I gathered the location of the spider web on open maps.EU and my photo of the spider web, and put them in the Inkscape app. I put the map on the left side and the photo of the web on the right side. Then, I created labels to point out where the location of the spider web was, along with a label that highlighted the spider web on the photo.

 

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Comments

The paragraph relays the information briefly and effieciently which is good, but it could also be more in depth for certain steps.

 

Great paragraph. It seems very informative. I would suggest that you change this sentence: "I had to go search for a bigger (more-defined) spider web". I don't think you need to have the parenthesis there. You could instead say: "I had to go search for a bigger, more defined spider web." I think that would sound and look better.

your paragraph is structured well but it is a little hard to read as there are too many directions to follow the instructions should be brief but exact enough to follow perfectly "On the section facing the main road (N Pleasant St), there was a spider web at about hip height. Photographing this web was quite difficult" like hip height doesn't make sense my hip height your hip height?