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part of my Ovarian cancer paper

Submitted by yurigarcia on Thu, 09/20/2018 - 21:44

The word cancer is something you don't want to hear especially when you go to the doctor. Thanks to the scientific research we know that ovarian cancer occurs in women over the age of 50, however this disese also affects younger women. There is a high risk of inheriting the disease that is passed down from the mother or the father's side. These mutations in BRCA1 and BRCA2 puts you in risk of increasing your chances of having breast cancer. This is why paying attention to the early symptoms is crucial. A pelvic exam is necessary to see if there are irregularities such as having an abnormal mas. CT scanning and MRI are techniques to see if this mass is malignant. Treatment requires removing the ovaries followed by chemo and according to " If ovarian cancer is found and treated before it has metastasize the 5 year survival is 92%." 




This paragraph starts off with what seems like an introduction to cancer, but then continues to talk about prevalence and mutations and types of treatment. It would work better if those ideas were separated and fleshed out more in individual paragraphs, rather than all in one. Also, the second sentence sounds strange because you start off by saying ovarian cancer occurs in women over 50 but also while they are young. Breaking it up to say that it is more likely to occur and thus more prevalent in an older population but still possible to have at a younger age would make more sense. The sentence just needs to be rephrased a bit.

When you want to break up sentences or emphasize certain parts, you can use commas to show the transition. For example, the first two sentences would flow better if you put a comma before "especially" and after "scientific research". You can also make parts of your sentences concise inthroughout the paragraph. For example, instead of saying, "puts you in risk of increasing your chances of having breast cancer", say, "puts you at increased risk of breast cancer".