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Observing the cellar spider in class

Submitted by yurigarcia on Fri, 09/07/2018 - 15:35


The spider looks like a cellar spider you find around your house. At first it seemed like it was dead because it wasn't moving. However, when i proceeded to open the small plastic container where the spider was, the spider started to move. Maybe it was because i was letting some air in the container or the spider wanted to be free. I noticed the spider's eight legs are covered with many hairs. This particular arthropod had more than two eyes, i tried to count it but it was so small that i needed a microscope to do so. I was very intrigued whether i was observing a female or male spider because i wanted to know if that influenced its behavior. I perceived that the spider was hanging upside down, i could only assume that it had maybe made its own web. I never noticed a spider before and it was really interesting to observe a spider in class.




Inconsistent tense. Try to have a topic sentence and a singular focus- to organize overall flow. Happy to know that you enjoyed getting to observe the spider!

Hi Yuri! Very Descriptive overall! I'd just make sure to capitalize the "I"'s in your paragraph. In addition, I'd recommend keeping the tense consistent throughout. In the last sentence you mentioned that you never noticed a spider before, but I think that could be improved with a different word choice like observed.

I try not to notice spiders too! I think you could improve your paragraph by switching out the word "it" for the thing that you are talking about.  Although it may seem repetitive, I think it would add some clarity to your writing. Also, just be careful when using abbreviations.  Although you only have one contraction (wasn't), it can always be something to look out for!