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perfect paragraph alcohol

Submitted by mlabib on Thu, 10/31/2019 - 21:44

Many students, including myself drink alcohol, ignoring the possible effects it can cause on our brain. We all know that while under the influence, it has an immediate effect on our brain, but I am curious about the long term effects. It wasn't until I did some research about it where I found out it was harmful to our brain and its' developement. While under the influence of alcohol, there will be a difficulty walking, blurred vision, surred speech, slower reaction times and an impaired memory. These by itself are very harmful to the brain. Of course, if someone drinks alcohol once, that does not mean they will forever be impaired, but it is drinking over and over again that can harm the individual. Alcohol can produce detectable impairments in memory after only a few drinks and, as the amount of alcohol increases, so does the degree of impairment. Large quantities of alcohol, especially when consumed quickly and on an empty stomach, can produce a blackout, or an interval of time for which the intoxicated person cannot recall key details of events, or even entire events. Additionally, you do not retain information because we do not go through "REM" sleep when intoxicated. People who have been drinking large amounts of alcohol for long periods of time run the risk of developing serious and persistent changes in the brain. Damage may be a result of the direct effects of alcohol on the brain or may result indirectly, from a poor general health status or from severe liver disease.

 
 

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There's a few runoff sentences that could be fixed by breaking it up into a separate sentence rather using commas 

You seem to have done an impressive amount of research into this topic. I would say overall it is well written, but you may want to consider using less commas. For example, in the sentence "Alcohol can produce detectable impairments in memory after only a few drinks and, as the amount of alcohol increases, so does the degree of impairment", you could have written it differently to flow better and not required commas.

"surred speech" to "slurred speech"