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AQ Leaf Perfect Paragraph

Submitted by atquang on Fri, 09/06/2019 - 15:49

This red stem connects three leaves; one points upwards while the two other leaves point left and right. It stands up as if it has a head with arms. While one side of it is bright green, the other side is a darker shade of green. The total size of the leaf is small enough to lay flat and stay within my palm. It is 7.8 centimeters in height and 6.6 centimeters in length. It somewhat has a serrated edge, but it is not rigid as a knife. There are visible signs of wilting (black/brown areas throughout the leaf), yet it seems to still breath on its own. One characteristic that separates the leaf from another individual is that it has two scratches that run throughout the top leaf. The scratch starts from the top center of the stem (about 2/3 up the leaf). It travels out towards the edge of the leaf but leaves 0.3 centimeters of space between the cut and the edge of the leaf. The second cut starts at the end of the previous cut and goes down towards the stem in a lightning bolt shape, stopping "1/3 way up the leaf." The signs of wilt were later identified as leaf miners. A little coat of white fur/wax surrounds both the leaves and the stem. The stem seems to have been through blunt trauma as if someone ripped it off rather than cut it. A bit of clear, viscous liquid oozes out the bottom of the stem. Is it calling for water? The darker side of the leaf seems to have a stronger odor coming off it than the other side. It reminds me of a jungle. The darker side of the stem also has visible lines where water travels throughout the plant (almost like veins). Close observation shows  tiny segments outlined by even smaller "veins" throughout the leaf. Although it does not look dangerous to digest, the signs of leaf miners refrain me from doing so (as well as the teacher's advice). The ink from my pen seems to stick onto the leaves thoroughly. I could probably write a whole sentence on it without it tearing.



For the most part, the perfect paragraph is in the third person (which is how all scientific writing should be).  A couple of sentences use first person pronouns and nouns which should be edited out.  

Actually, most scientific writing should use first person & active voice (see Hoffman section 2.3).

The paragraph is good but is kind of scattered in structure. Maybe group descriptions together based on appearance, texture etc. or even describe the stem all at once, then the first leaf and so on & so forth.