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AQ 10/4 Perfect Paragraph

Submitted by atquang on Fri, 10/04/2019 - 13:06

In the future, I would like to use my biology degree to pursue a career in medicine. With that in mind, bioethics must be considered when approaching life science in the real world. Bioethics is the ethics of medical and biological research. Ethics drive the way we are allowed to behave in different settings, and the science field is no exception. One article illustrates the consideration of bioethics, where five couples are currently lined up for CRISPR babies to avoid deafness. The CRISPR-Cas9 system is a modern gene-editing technique that has not been well tested. It primarily causes a mutation in the germ-line cells, creating a heritable sequence for future generations. There are guidelines in place to make sure that CRISPR is not abused and tested on humans without proper conditions. One such condition is the inevitable death of some diseases. An example includes the editing of HIV-resistant infants. In this case, I think that the editing of infants to get rid of deafness is not life-threatening, so it should not be used and should be considered invasive, palliative surgery. However, moral guidelines may vary from country to country. Russia may have different protocols that may allow them to bypass this issue.

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Comments

I think the example of Russia and guideline differences among countries seemed kind of rnadom. Consider either expanding on this by bringing it up earlier in the paragraph, or getting rid of it.

Some of the sentences are a bit clumsily worded, not so much in the words used but from a syntactical standpoint. For example "One article illustrates the consideration of bioethics, where five couples are currently lined up for CRISPR babies to avoid deafness." doesn't have a transition between its clauses. Perhaps something like "One article that illustrates the consideration of bioethics described how five couples are currently lined up for CRISPR babies to avoid deafness." might be better.

You use a good amount of short sentences. You could try to incorporate some longer sentences too by combining a couple of the sentences that share the same concept.