Today the class began collecting data for our project about the leaf-miner Stigmella Multispicata potentially moving hosts to new types of Elm. We started by breaking up into three groups of two with each pair having ten trees and ten leaves on each tree to locate and observe. In theory the methods for collecting the data was pretty straight forward to follow but once we actually got into the field my group started having issues right away. After getting the map situated on the phone we found the first two trees on our list which ended up being located in a completely blocked off construction zone. Since we couldn't get to them we decided to move down the list and were able to find three other sites pretty smoothily until about the sixth site with the trees being located decently away from eachother and the phone running the map the entire time the battery was getting too low to use. With the battery about to die we decided to head back to the classroom to mark the rest of our locations on a hard copy of the map. Once we got back to class and were finishing up the map it started to rain pretty heavily which put the data collection on hold until next class with hopefully better weather.
Comments
Parenthetical clauses need commas
your sentances are fairly loaded, and could use comma usage to break them into more managable bits. I personally like to use alot of parenthetical clauses and so ill give some examples. I kind of already went down this road on a different persons perfect paragraph so ill go a bit lighter on the how to use it bit and just suggest the changes. The common thread in your paragraph is you start with supporting information that cant stand alone as its own sentance and doesnt help the standing sentance.
Today, the class began collecting data for our project about the leaf-miner Stigmella Multispicata potentially moving hosts to new types of Elm.
In theory, the methods for collecting the data was pretty straight forward to follow, but once we actually got into the field, my group started having issues right away
After getting the map situated on the phone, we found the first two trees on our list [which ended up being located in a completely blocked off construction zone] this bracketted piece almost wants to stand on its own, you could make it a clause but theres nothing else to say, so I would recommend replacing which "which end up being" with " and were"
Since we couldn't get to them ,we decided to move down the list and were able to find three other sites pretty smoothily until about the sixth site with the trees being located decently away from eachother and the phone running the map the entire time the battery was getting too low to use--- After smoothly I would cut the sentance and just start another I tried to fix it with clauses and you can kind of make it work, but chopping it is the better option
Once we got back to class, and were finishing up the map, it started to rain pretty heavily which put the data collection on hold until next class ....
Confusing
" After getting the map situated on the phone we found the first two trees on our list which ended up being located in a completely blocked off construction zone."
I feel that this could have been broken up into 2 separate sentences. The first sentence you could mention setting up the map on the pone, and the follow on sentence would be about how the trees were inaccessible due to the construction zone.
It was a good telling of the adventures of the day.