This specimen is a green, serrated edged leaf. The leaf is approximately 155mm in length with an elliptical shape. One end has the base of the stem where the leaf was attached to the mother plant. The other end is pointed. At the widest part, the leaf measures about 50mm. The stem is about 5mm across. There appear to be 2 lighter green "tracks" on the leaf. They take on a drizzled appearance. Almost as if someone drizzled icing on the leaf. The widest part of these tracks measures approximately 2mm. The thinnest part the track measures less than .5mm. These tracks only appear on the right vertical half of the leaf. They only appear on the top surface of the leaf and don't appear to permeate the bottom. The length of the tracks in total measure about 105mm and 145mm. On the left vertical half of the leaf there is an oddly shaped hole that has the shape of a fidget spinner. This hole has yellowing around the edges and is about 70mm up from the base of the stem. The stem of the leaf has fine, hairlike structures. There are some shiny dots on the leaf that are able to be washed away with water.
Comments
Very nice vocabulary used but
Very nice vocabulary used but maybe if the perfect paragraph had some scientific words assioating with the leaf it would give off a more scientific feel in terms of what we are learning in this class.
Topic sentence
Avoid vague measures like "some". Try to use quantative measures or estimates.
Active Voice
In the first sentence, I would make the leaf the subject.
I am not quite sure what you are saying.
I thought the leaf was the topic in the first sentence. Any tips on how I could have presented that better?
Measurements
I really liked how you measure things like the track width and also how you stayed consistent with your measurement units
Active Voice
Make the leaf the star of the sentence.
The leaf is green and has a serrated edge. By calling it a "specimen" it removes the leaf and makes it sound passive. This is an older style of scientific writing.
Gotcha
Okay. Gotcha.