Observation of Leaf Infected with Leaf Miner
The leaf of a local weed was collected for study due to the irregualar presence of an unknown white streak throughout the leaf. The streak appears on the sun facing side of the leaf. The streak has no particular pattern, following the veins of the leaf in some areas, and crossing a series of veins in others. The streak has two obseravable ends where it may have began and ended. One end of the streak measures about 1mm and gradually narrows to approximately 0.2mm. The thicker end has higher concentration of blackened areas within the streak, and within the thickest point of the streak there appears to be withered and dead patch measuring 5mm. The streak is faintly visable on the underside of the leaf, and cannot be easily removed from the top of the leaf. This suggests that the streak lies just underneath the surface of the leaf.
Comments
passive voice
Avoid passive voice. Use active voice: I collected a leaf miner...
More Scientific Terminology
I feel you could some more scintific terms describing parts of the leaf.
I love what you had to say about the tracks.
I really enjoyed what you had to say about the tracks but I would have liked to hear more about the rest of the leaf.
Avoid evaluative statements
Rather than saying what you like or dislike, please simply suggest improvements.
Topic sentence
Good topic sentence. Itgives the reader an idea on what you're going to be talking about. Good job!
Try to reduce wordiness.
Removing extra works will make it read more dynamically. How can you say the same thing in the first paragraph using less words, but keeping the same meaning.