I have moved here to study at Umass Amherst. It has almost been a month but I haven’t found a job yet. I have applied to so many places but for some reason I am not getting a response. I have been very lucky when it comes to looking for a job but now I am struggling. I do feel it is because half of the summer as gone by and everyone is all set. Although, I have applied to so many places hopefully at least one person responds. It would be great to get a job as soon as possible because I have lots of bills because I am living alone. I hate when my bank balance goes down. I mean I don’t mind spending the money if I was earning at the same time. I need to find a job asap. I can’t live like this I like to be busy and have no time. But since the last month I am fed up of having so much time that I can’t function. Thankfully I am taking a class otherwise I would go crazy.
Comments
Repetition
You use I a lot in your writing. I think that you should look for other pronouns to describe yourself.
topic sentence
I would swap the first two sentences so that you have a topic sentence that fits with the title and the rest of the paragraph, you could still include why you moved to Amherst but saying it first implies the paragraph is about studying or moving.