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Grub observation perfect paragraph

Submitted by daniellam on Fri, 09/08/2017 - 18:35

Without any food or objects in the cup, the motivation of the maggot’s movement remains unknown. When the worm is not agitated, it remains static in place but tries to move with its front pair of legs. Its back legs remain still keeping it from moving. The technique in movement that it uses appears to be that it coils or compresses the back half of its body which it then propels itself forward. When agitated with a piece of paper, the worm responds by moving frequently and vigorously. A frontal threat showed that the worm could move backward at a reasonable speed. 

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Comments

For your perfect paragraph I liked how you stuck to just one aspect of the maggot which was its movement. For future improvements I would suggest try avoiding redundancies and unnecessary language. For example, in the first sentence you wrote “without any food or objects in the cup…” I believe this sentence could be revised to “Without any objects in the cup.” This revision would reduce unnecessary language and still allows for the same message which is that there is nothing in the cup.  

 

I really liked the varied sentence structure and descriptive language. The only thing I would potentially change is this phrasing: "The technique in movement." It's a little awkward and clunky.

I like how there was so much detail and info on just one topic, even though at times I thought the paragraph lost its flow. One other thing I would say is maybe better word choice but other than that the paragraph did its job and I was really able to picture what you were describing