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In Class Observations of Unknown Specimen Perfect Paragraph

Submitted by brdougherty on Sun, 09/10/2017 - 16:51

In class we were asked to observe a slug like species with no background information and make observations of this species. The initial observations I viewed were that the creature had an off-white/ yellowish body, red eyes and a black face. Since the head was easily identifiable it was apparent that the creature had noticeable anterior and posterior ends. The creature also had 16 legs, which seemed to be divided into 3 sections with different purposes. The upmost section of the legs on the anterior end of the slug like creature was composed of a group of 6 legs that seemed to do most of the work when the creature was moving and help aided the creature when turning over. The next section of legs appeared to help the creature grasp or stick to surfaces. While the hind legs function was not present while I was observing this species. Lastly, the species body appeared to move in segments not as a whole. These were the initial observations to be made however with more time many more could be made.

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Comments

I like the various elements you brought up about this creature, but I suggest you give mention what you think the back legs are used for, besides just mentioning about them. Also, I believe you should make an assumption on what you believe the organism may be, based on all of these findings. Lastly, I would have talked more about the activity of the organism, rather than focusing so much on the physiological aspects.

You kind of jumped from one topic to the next then back again to the legs, maybe you could lead each sentence into the next smoothly.

I think that you could have gone into more detail about some of the things noticed about the wax worm. It does not seem like there was any particular order in which you arranged your sentences, more so writing down sentences about the wax worm as you noticed more things about it.