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Endocrine system glands #2

Submitted by jjaneiro on Thu, 11/30/2017 - 12:23

The endocrine system functions by using glands throughout the body to excrete hormones that activate certain pathways that are crucial for development and survival. The endocrine system also controls pathways that maintain the circadian rhythm. One such gland is the pineal gland. This gland is found in the brain. The pineal gland is involved in the production of melatonin, a hormone that regulates the sleep/wake cycle. The production of melatonin by the pineal gland is controlled by light. In the presence of light, the production of melatonin is prevented. When the sun is setting, or when an animal is in a dark environment, in the absence of light the pineal gland becomes active and produces melatonin which makes the animal tired and prepares the body for sleep. The production and prevention of melatonin is on a 24-hour cycle. This is called the circadian rhythm. Throughout the 24 hour period, the levels of melatonin in the body rises and falls with the animal's sleep/wake cycle. The pineal gland is part of the endocrine system that is responsible for maintaining this cycle. 

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Comments

I think there are a lot of good points that you make with this paragraph. The only thing is that it is very factual and there is not a concluding sentence that covers the entire topic.

I like the way you tie in the pinal gland and the endocrine system in one sentance at the end. You include a ton of information in this paragraph and it's very well written. I think its a good introductory paragraph and that you could write more detailed paragraphs after this. 

I agree that a stronger concluding sentence is needed. I would also reccomend changing up first word in each sentence insead of starting with the word "the". This will help transition sentences more fluidly and keeps the reader engaged in the material.