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Risks of High Blood Pressure

Submitted by vthong on Fri, 11/10/2017 - 11:49

"In 2005, high blood pressure was responsible for one in six death in the United states," says a new report from experts at the Institute of Medicine. Too much intake of sodium in our diets often leads to high blood pressure. Hypertension can lead to heart attacks, strokes, and other cardiovascular events that may ultimately result in death. To have hypertension means that one's blood pressure reads above 140 over 90. Unfortunately, people are at risk for cardiovascular disease at pre-hypertension, which is between a blood pressure reading of 'normal' and 'high.' Of the 42 million Americans who have uncontrolled hypertension, 27% are unaware of it, 11% are not being treated, and 26% are being treated but their blood pressure has not significantly decreased. There are no symptoms to hypertension, which is why so many people neglect the possibility of having it. Hypertension is a serious issue in our society because there is so much exposure to excess sodium in the foods that we eat, whether it is at the restaurant or packaged at the grocery store to be cooked at homeBecause so much of the sodium in our bodies comes from the foods that we eat, the best way to save lives is to cut down on dietary sodium intake.



This is a very well written paragraph with lots of fact to back your argument. One adjustmen you could make is with your quote at the very beginning. Quotes should be introduced prior to being in a paragraph it just feels like the reader is missing something when they are not.

Good paragraph! It flowed extremely well. I would try to reword your fourth sentence ("To have hypertension...") as it is slightly awkward to read. 

There are a couple fragmented sentences and grammatical errors, and then some phrases could be reworded a bit better, but overall it's pretty focused and flows well!