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Perfect Paragraph -- Grub in a cup

Submitted by msgordon on Wed, 09/13/2017 - 20:01

A grub was placed into a plastic dish, but did not appear to move around much. Despite this, making some seemingly simple observations yields great insight into its possible evolutionary history and identity. Perhaps the most noticeable observation is that are no visible eyes although it does appear to use the antannae on its head to sense its surroundings. In addition, it looks to have trouble walking on the plastic surface, which suggests that its feet are not equipped to maintain a grip on such a smooth area. Interestingly, this phenomenon is only present in its legs in the frontal area. Its rear legs do not appear to have an trouble maintaining a solid grasp on the surface. Upon closer inspection, the hind legs appear stockier and almost elastic looking. The front legs, in comparison are slimmer and sharper and look similar to shovels. This, combined with the fact that the front legs appear to be angled backwards, lends credence to the idea that it lives underground as the shape of the legs are well-suited to digging. Likewise, its apparent lack of developed eyes further supports this hypothesis as it would have little to no use for them underground. 



A way to improve the flow of your writing is to be more concise. There were a lot of filler phrases and words that weighed the sentences down and didn't help you get to the point. 

Maybe you can talk more about the colour of this grub.

I'd suggest changing the verb tenses in your first two sentences so that you use only once tense. This would make the opening to your paragraph flow more smoothly.