You are here

Wax Worm Observations

Submitted by vthong on Fri, 09/08/2017 - 17:19

We do not know any information about the animal presented to us, so all following statements are observations. This animal has a wormn-like structure with soft, yellow-toned skin. The skin appears to be semitransparent, as we can observe some of the internal structure of the worm to a certain extent.This worm has segments running through its entire body. The soft segments allow the worm to move its body in smooth, lateral motions. In addition to helping the worm move parts of its body laterally, the segments also help the worm stretch and contract its body. The ability to stretch and contract results in the worm's length to range somewhere between around 20 mm to 30 mm. We cannot conclude whether this worm-like specimen is a larva or if it is in its adult stage.

Post:

Comments

Although you go into detail very well when describing this organism, I would have made some of your points longer, instead of just mentioning various observations in a quick fashion. Also, when you mentioned the different segments on this organism, I would have gone into more detail which body parts were where, to give the reader a better picture of this organism. Lastly, I would have mentioned something about the legs of this creature, because calling this creature, "worm-like," without mentioning something about its legs may confuse people about this creature. 

Tthere are many points you want to make about the organism, but it seems as though the setnences are just many facts put together without good transitional sentences, besides the topic and conlcuding sentences.  The variation in sentence length had a solid effect when reading the paragraph, as it make it a more interesting read, rather than only one sentence length.

I think this paragraph could have gone into more detail, but the details you do provide are good. You could talk more about its feet, how many it has, are they all the same, ect. You could also talk more about the hairs on its body. There is also a typo in the first sentance, theres an n at the end of the word worm.