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The maggot

Submitted by oelbetanony on Fri, 09/08/2017 - 15:34

This maggot is white and has what appears to be a brown head. It has white hairs on its body and many legs. its hind legs appear to have some kind of suction mechanism. It seems to be attracted to a piece of wood chip almost nawing at it. Its very good at orienting itself and rolling over off its back when I rolled it over multiple times. It moves a lot and crawls when its aggrevated but doesnt crawl very fast. Its squashy and soft to the touch but very hard to grasp or pick up with just your fingers. Its approxiemtly 15 millimeters but I'd conclude that its propably longer because its body is not fully extended due to the fact that it doesnt have a hard exoskeleton. It also tends to stay at the edge of the cup and stays away from the middle.

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Comments

I think the description is very succint and has a logical flow, but can get repetative. Especially when refering to the creature as "it" so often.

Your paragraph talks about many different aspects about this creature which is good, but you use very vague pronouns (i.e. it) too many times. I would also suggest you talking about the orientation of the legs to give the reader a better picture of this creature. Lastly, I would suggest you giving a little more detail about the hair you identified, so the reader may know how much (in this case, not much). 

I also agree with dalon that there is too much repetition of the word "it". Instead of using "it" at the beginning of each sentence, try using descriptive words and adjectives about the maggot, while still being concise. This will make the paragraph flow more fluidly. The paragrph does flow logically, but it doesn't seem to have a concluding sentence.